STEADY HEARTBEAT

           My heart beat is steady. My mind calm as an ocean on a clear day. I can't stop smiling and its like I discovered a secret. I know how it feels to have so much to do (anxiety) and to finish all that you had to do with your best foot forward (languor).

          When I was running around trying to finish this and that my mind felt like a hamster on a wheel, constantly running to get to nowhere. Even as I slept my mind was still on that wheel running circles around the corners of my brain. I tried to think of one thing at a time but there would be very many moments when my mental calendar and to-do list would feel the need to hit the snooze button and remind me of what I have yet to do. 

          On occasion I would wish I were a boy. They know how to prioritize their work and deal with the most urgent without giving a second thought to their other commitments. They simply think 'I'll get to it when I'll get to it' and with that they relax, completely. As for me, in the middle of one assignment I would drift to another. I mean, I could be writing a term paper and in the middle of my thoughts stop, abruptly, and plan my class presentation.

          Other times I would thank my lucky stars that am a girl. If I were to only think of an assignment when am doing it then I would never finish some assignments on time. Just because I have decided to do a certain piece of work at a certain time doesn't mean that all the ideas will flow from my unconscious mind to the front. I would probably move at a go-slow. 

          As the cold water flows and washes the soap away I stop rubbing my body and mentally organize my work. Before swallowing my food after minutes of chewing I think of a master plan. Sometimes my mind comes back from a world of mental discourse to realize that I stopped along the path. This may seem extreme, however, I can't do anything else until a certain chapter is closed. For me to move on to something else I need to be sure that whatever I was doing yesterday is over and done. I worry about this and that until the problem is solved.

         Then when the problem is solved my heart beats steady. My mind calms down like an ocean on a clear day. I don't stop smiling and its like I discovered a secret.