I arived here all serious. I have alot to do and well i have the mental preparedness to bury my head in my books or so i thought. i have this very nasty feeling in my heart like a tight knot or a clenched fist. i feel cheated and short-changed. Yeah....yeah i know i have said these a thousand times but it sounds fresh everytime. Okay, no it doesn't hihi. Anyway, that's besides the point. The point is...i don't know what the point is. I just feel like I'm in prison, like i'm suspended in limbo and can't get down.
It's not a pleasant feeling. I however, don't know how to get rid of it. I at times feel like i have this beautiful garden of white, pink, yellow, red, orange purple carnatians in my heart and they are dying and i keep watering them and they are still withering. I am watering them, right? that is water am using, right? It could be acid and here i'm thinking that it is crytal clear spring water from Kilimanjaro.
I want to stand ontop of a mountain and scream my lungs out. Maybe then i can let out all this pressure that is being exerted onto my heart. Maybe i could find an open field and run like a dog (but with my mouth closed) so i can shake away this feeling of having lived in a box for centuries.
What i can't stand most is this freaking circus ride of my emotions. Always up and down, up and down and never for a constant period of time. 30min up, 60min down, 10 sec up, 55sec down, 1hr 30min up, 5min down. I get so overwhelmed i feel like there is a part of me that is about to crack.
I wish there was a way i could buy my way to emotional paralysis. Maybe then i wouldn't have to deal with this freak show of a ride. The worst part is when you are smiling at people with every part of you is mulfunctioning.
Honey, si u jua me and you are in the same yoyoing emotions department? Waaaah! We'll be aite
ReplyDeleteb4 or afta screamin' our heads off? (^_^)
ReplyDelete