I can't seem to stay positive. I try, God knows I try but for some reason when things go wrong I cannot see beyond my nose. Today, in my head, I was saying blaa blaa blaa so that I would stop thinking so negatively. Didn't work.
I have no idea how others do it. I remember reading a quote of sorts at one time. It said, that a person cannot see other people's turmoils when their tooth is aching. And, I remember thinking it is just one tooth; one single tooth and when it aches you cannot see past the pain. So every time I get negative and focus on my problems; I mean magnify my problems (that's more the truth) that quote pops in my head.
The most weird thing is, a part of me knows that everything will be alright; a part of me trusts that God will solve all my problems but I cannot find it in me to translate my knowledge into feelings. My life journey has taught me that nothing lasts; that joy will come and go same as pain or suffering even anger. Yet, I worry, I fuss.
Expectation is not your friend, it's not mine. Every time I raise my expectations I get disappointed. Even the notion of common sense is expectation. It is not common sense that you flash the toilet after you use it: people need to be told that yes, every time not every other time. Never expect, it is what creates unrealistic goals, wants, 'needs'. What happens in my mind is, I imagine a possible outcome and because the mind is a powerful tool, it feels real and so I base more expectations on my imagined future. So not cool.
I won't promise to stay positive because I found out that promises are spiritually binding and besides that creates expectations. This isn't even about declaring that I will try next time. I just wanted to rant. :-)
