Listening to Six degrees of separation by the Script on replay. Between the feelings of worthlessness because of work and the feelings of loneliness because of a conversation with a friend-stranger am dancing on the edge of depression.
Only with human beings can you find yourself crying over spilled milk when the carton wasn't even yours to begin with and he was never mine. Falling for someone who would never fall for you is one of life's ten plagues of misery. We will all pay our dues with tears and pieces of our soul.
There's a slight tightness in my chest. It is faint. Example of a heart ache but very dull. Feels like a ripple of pain through my body. That's what old wounds touched feel like.
Fake smiles and pleasantries am not sure I mean. "That name sounds lovely"...i don't think so. And, not in a bad way. I really don't think that name is all that lovely. It's a common name, heard it before. The only reason I said that was to be polite. I'm not bitter, not even close. Won't even want him now. Has something to do with wanting a train set from your parents when you are thirty. It's time has passed. I just feel unhappy; wronged by life or at least...left behind.
Switched to Hater by Miranda Brooke although I din't get the player because I didn't get anything at all. But he's in love and am alone and it's still not fair. I don't know her but I do know that I already don't like her.
She's probably an amazing woman. Light skinned. Skinny with a flat belly and measurable hips. And, she's probably a little angel wanting nothing but happiness for every tormented soul in the world.
No more nice things.
I'm making myself sick.
Talking about these feelings would probably make me seem human but I can't help but wonder if am too exposed. God knows that writing about it isn't the same as talking about it and that's why this is easier for me.
Such moments highlight everything going wrong or stagnating in my life. Makes everything seem so much worse. Feeling like a failure. I ain't, I know...just saying I feel like one. Hopeless even.
Some conversations should be had after a blunt...if i smoked or at least three shots of tequila rose. Such situations could damped the spirits of someone who just won the lottery. All you wanted to do was win and when they handed you the cheque you Kemboi'ed the person handing it to you (I smiled when i said Kemboi'ed) anyway then he/she texts, calls or if you are unlucky you run into them in the streets then shit hits the fan.
Anyway. it is a feeling like any other and it will pass like Nairobi winter this sunny day.
