COFFEE LOVIN'

The morning air filled my nostrils
and the sun rays caressed my skin yet I felt cold inside.
My mind was
restless of thinking of you and my lips sore from calling out your name.
My
heart trembled with desire to see you and my hands ached with wanting to feel
you close.
The days are long and the nights are cold now that you are not
here.
The wind is cruel and takes pleasure in the rain as I watch from my
bedroom window.
How my soul will fill with joy if you came again. How my
anger will soften if you sizzled into my ears again.
How I will breathe once more if you
kissed my lips with your warmness again………
How I wish my boyfriend will hurry
up and bring my damn morning coffee
already.

DIEING TO LIVE

Life is difficult and sometimes painful and worthless, in your life you go through a lot of things and the negative experiences are the ones that last. If you compare notes with other people you will realize that life experiences are similar with small important differences. These small differences are ignorable but are what makes each person an individual. In that case life is a script, same script different casts. I wonder why people want to live when they die or are dieing? How many times have you said this is worse than death? I wish the ground could swallow me whole? Huh?
I think my writings are somewhat of a deep thought, writing situations that people go through that I have no idea about. Okay that is not entirely true I don’t experience physically but understand emotionally. I just try to attach a valid believable reason to situations.
Many people say that the dead wish they were alive, maybe because that right to live was taken away from them or it expired without notice. I f someone died and went to hell, he would wish to live for one more minute to set things right. If someone died and went to heaven, he would wish to live another day to finish his work on earth or to enjoy the love of his family and friends.
A person involved in a fatal accident, like a woman sitting in a plane that is about to crash or a man on death row or a person dying of a terminal illness normally have their lives flash before them. It is not the dramatic flash but it happens depending on the amount of time you have. The less time you have, the less flashes you get and the more time the more flashes. You wake up one morning and you remember the little girl you bullied when you were 5 years old and you rush to make peace. Now if you have a near death experience and you don’t get a flash don’t panic. Sometimes you don’t get flashes and there those who when they are dying will have only one thing in their mind, whatever that maybe, i mean it could i wish i ate.
People who have little time to live always say I wish I had more time and by spending time wishing they are actually wasting the little time they have feeling denied but then again it is hard to live knowing when you are going to die. Why are humans programmed to fear the end, an end, any end? To tell you the truth, I think it is because humans realize that there is no end. That is, when one thing ends another begins and you never know if its going to be good and short or bad and long. Forever does not sound sexy and sweet for you love birds when you realize just how long forever is. I also think it’s because you realize that you are alone, in life and in death. A Christian would say that you wouldn’t feel this way if you had Christ.......Christians!!!
When you are not faced by a major problem the minor ones are magnified i.e. all of a sudden your life is unbearable because your clothes are not as fashionable as your friend but when you are dying or are dead you won’t even notice. I guess it is hard to appreciate the little things on a normal day, like if a car splashes water on you on a rainy day, at least it didn’t run you over.
95% of us do not know what life is. Most of us do not know what living is all about. Many of us will die without knowing and regret will eat away at our heart the way wounds eat away at our flesh but do not fear I just might join you.
I don’t understand any of this, or maybe I do. I mean don’t they say that humans use only a certain fraction of their brain. The Bible says that if you try and save your life then you will lose it and if you lose it then you will save it. I think you can’t agree with this unless your life has a purpose bigger than yourself or you realize that your life is temporary and given. So for the many of you who won’t take this piece of holy advice, someone else also said that you only begin to live after you have survived death and this guy just happened to be a serial killer.
The media gives us a certain image of how life is meant to be and yes a good life is meant to be a certain way and feel a certain way and when it is right you will know because it will feel right for you.

DREAMING.

          Every girls dream is similar. She wants the latest fashion, an adoring crowd of men and eventually love and a picket fenced life. Am sorry in that case every modern’s girl dream is alike (a village girl may be less interested in the latest fashion). You can see it in their eyes; when another woman passes before them looking hot, the green eyed monster appears, when her best friend is in the honeymoon stage of her relationship the shinny star shines ever so brightly in the corner of her eye, when it appears that some Chiquita is at the prime of her life and nothing seems to go wrong on her side of the garden you can see the depressed look in her eye that says why me.

          Yes every modern girl’s dream is the same. Why then are there different outcomes. We would like to think that it’s because the Lord wanted variety. Yes although this is true there is still another theory. We change. It is very difficult to understand this since you do not see how you change because your dream remains the same and your desire never left you but…… we change. It is never our fault most of the time. You grow up and you try and surround yourself with things that make you happy that define you but the world will throw you a curve ball and you won’t be ready and you will change without realizing.
           Sometimes life becomes hard and the desire you had to look your best disappears with your new desire to make ends meet. Other times the sun seems to have changed color. The sun that used to shine yellow and warm you to thinking that everything will be okey turns and life becomes meaningless.
           ‘It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.’ That is the saying that is supposed to motivate us all to jump into the pool called love. The lucky ones jumped into this very pool and found what they were looking for, got content and forgot all about their dreams. The other jumped into the same pool and found sharks in the water and the bitterness they experienced caused them to change their dreams in a different direction.
           You are probably trying to figure out if you changed course. If you did not, good for you, although it would be wise of me to inform you that everyone’s course changes. If yours changed for the better am glad for you and envious. If yours changed and you think it’s good when its not, you have been seriously short-changed. If yours changed for the worse and you feel lazy or tired or unmotivated to get up and do something about it I have two words for you………tick, tock.
          Take the bitter with the sweet.
          Yours sincerely
      XOXO

THE OUEEN PEN.

I put my hand to my chest to try and calm down my heartbeat that is racing with the wind. I can not tell if my body is shivering due to the cold night or the fear that made my blood stand still. I look at the gun in my hand, then the body on the floor. His eyes are open but closed deep within. He isn’t coming back………. What have I done?
Dazed, lost in space I put my hand in my purse pull out my phone and dial a number. “Help me, someone just died and I need help.”
        My knees give way and I slowly sink to the ground next to the corps. An hour later I hear sirens, quick, heavy foot steps and within no time inspector Jack Mahomn is standing in front of me, looking down at me.
        “You might want to start explaining yourself young lady this doesn’t look good.”
        “I killed him!” that's all I said all the way to the station.
         When my state of shock subsides I look up and find myself  in an interrogation room with inspector Mahomn and two other gentlemen. One places a tape recorder on the table and looks at me.
        “So Amanda what exactly happened.” I look at Mahomn as he asks the question, the calmness in his voice makes me uneasy.
          “I was walking to my car at around 9.00 p.m. in the basement of my office when someone hit me over my head. When I woke up I was in someone’s garage lying on the floor with my hands tied together. My car was next to me.” I stop a while to wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks. “He was wearing a ski mask and I could not see his face. I tried to beg him to let me go. I promised to take him to the A.T.M. and take out all my money for him but he wouldn’t listen. My voice is so low at this point am almost miming. 
          "Speak louder please Amanda, we need to get this on record." Mahomn requests patiently. I clear my throat and continue. 
          "He picked me up onto his shoulders and took me to the house, into his bedroom. I tried to scream but nothing happened, we were alone. He walked out for a while and I thought that I could loosen the knot on my hands. I bite the rope and tried to wriggle my wrists but it could only bulge a little bit. He came in and closed the door behind him.”
        “Did he lock it with a key?”
       “No, he just closed it, then he came to the bed and started to fondle with me. I guess it’s a bit obvious what happened next.”
         “I know this is hard for you Amanda but you will have to tell us everything a statement is better recorded when the victim’s memory is still fresh.”
        “He, he, he....well... he raped me. I struggled to be free; kicking in every direction. I almost broke free when he put his hand to my neck and strangled me. When I couldn’t breathe I stopped fighting and he loosened his grip. When he was done he left the room. I wanted to die but I knew that was to follow next if i stayed so I struggled to break free, then I ran down stairs for the door but he came after me and we started to fight. He slapped me around and hit me in the eye; I hit the wall on my way to the ground. When he came to pick me up I kicked him on the leg and he fell to the ground. I got up and ran to the garage but when I tried to open the car, it was locked so I ran to the passenger’s seat to break the window and open the car from the other side. I knelt on glass while doing it, hurt myself really badly. While trying to start the car, he pulled my hair and forced me out of the car. He punched me on the nose and I hit a shelf. My nose was bleeding,my knees were bleeding,i had a black right eye and i could barely see with it and my body was covered in bruises. I wanted to give up, I was tired and in pain…….. The gun was just there. I grabbed it and shot him twice in the chest and he fell to the ground.” With my face buried in my hand I broke into fits of sobs all over again.
          “Are you telling us you did not see his face the whole time?”
          “No, I didn't, why?”
           "He was your soon to be ex-husband Simon, that’s why, said Mahomn with a very unmoved look in his eye. I look up in shock "Didn't you file a report last week that he was harassing you, prank calls, unannounced visits, breaking into your house?"
          “That can’t be, there must be a mistake Simon is in Paris he left last week, so it can’t be him”.
         “Well it was! there are papers we want you to fill before you leave, Officer Martins is outside waiting for you then you're free to go Ms. Sanders”. Mahomn says flatly. I stand from my sit. My body feels like it weighs a tone and all I want is to sink into the chair. I am physically in pain, mentally drained and emotionally scared.
          “It is a crime of passion. This is open and shut,” says Jack to his colleagues after Amanda shuts the door behind her.. Philip shakes his head as he reaches for the tape recorder, “Typical, am getting sick of this cases.”
           Amanda Sanders soaks herself in the hot bath tub struggling to wash the night away. Her mind flashes to the night she argued with Simon, “I swear I will take every thing you own right from under your feet,” he said. “You should have made me sign the pre-nap.”
          Simon Kennedy was once a successful owner of a restaurant but when his drug abuse drove his success under and his wife wanted a divorce he wasn’t going to leave empty handed,
A sly smile spreads Amanda’s lips as she sips her glass of wine.She looks at Simon's photo again,and there is a knot in her chest. 'You thought that you could walk into my life and take away everything i own? Who's empty handed now?' The radio is on and her favorite song blares through the speakers…………………”please let me testify, they accuse him of it, they accuse him of it ooh, please let me testify.”

NO!! CONTINUATION

Last time i talked of how to say no. i even mentioned a few advantages of knowing how to say no. I strongly believe it shows a lot of intelligence, maturity and skill. Explaining yourself takes a lot of hard work that is if you do not want to be misunderstood. Anyway i promised to give you a sample letter on how to say no to a person without hurting their feelings or rubbing them the wrong way and making sure that you remain in contact with them.

Dear X,
I am glad you called me earlier. I appreciate your desire to want to get to know each other better. I am humbly intrigued by your interest. Your company is fabulous and the conversation fascinated me and left me hanging onto your every word.
It would be lovely if we could get together again for a meal or a stroll. I have a friend who owns a stable of horses and we should go for riding sometime but only as friends. You are a lovely person and under other circumstances I would have liked to see how far this vybe between us would have taken us. Am in an emotional pit at the moment and unable to form a sound relationship with anyone. Please understand me.
Am looking forward to our next meeting so we can talk some more.
Yours sincerely,
X.

It is not personal so anyone can use it.Yeah sure, you can borrow this is you need to. It may not be the case but it is very polite and if you keep a serious face who will know.

NO!!

Every person is first taught how to say yes or no. If I was to choose one to teach a child I would choose no it is much safer. I mean if the parents of the children who M.J. allegedly molested were taught to say a firm no then M.J would have never been in court. If Bill Clinton had been taught to say a firm no then he would never have written a public apology to his wife and the country. If Kenyans said a firm no to corruption well we all know how that would end. My point is we all should know how to say no.
People tend to ask for a reason when another person says no.
“Do you wanna go out with me?”
“Yes!”
“Okey.”.
“Hey wanna sleep with me?”
“God, No!!”
“Jesus, why?”
People will always assume they know the reason why another person would say yes. I mean am hot of course she wants to go out with me. What if she’s broke ever crossed your mind?
I guess that is how it is. So now that we know that no one will ever ask us to explain why yes how about learning how to explain why no. I mean it is simple to say no ask any chick who has been under a man’s bare chest to tell you, then he asks why and the next day she wakes up by his side.

Step 1: Actually say no. It doesn’t matter if it is a loud no or a polite no.
Step 2: Say something nice or bad depending on whether you mean well or not.
Exhibit A.
First of all your house smells like an abandoned slaughter house and you look like an abandoned stray pig, the only thing that would propel me to sleep with you is if the devil rejected me, then I would be at your level.
Exhibit B.
I really enjoy your company and I think there is a lot we can talk about and I would really like to go to the movies with you but I can’t.

In exhibit A, you din’t mean well and you obviously know that he aint ever talking to you again. While in exhibit B, you truly are being nice and it is visible you mean well and you can be sure he will try again.

Step 3: Give a window of possibility but do not commit to something you are not sure about.
Everybody uses maybe another time, those who mean it and those who don’t. If you mean it then you can’t use this phrase, try this;
“How about you call me tonight and we will talk of another arrangement.”

Step4: Note that if you are doing this face to face facial expressions matter a lot.
Look the part, don’t dis a guy and blush at him.
Next time i will show you how to say no through a letter.

HaRdEr ThE FigHt

A very talented artist once sang that the more drinks in your system the harder the fight. Okay it was Ludarcris but we all know he's a talented artist with the speech of a philosopher.
Isn’t fighting against the current what humans do. It is either you are fighting to stick to your religion, or you are fighting to concentrate on your studies, or you are struggling to fall in love or out of love when cupid has already decided otherwise, or you are fighting your past or your future or the present situation, boredom, anger, pain, an erection, hornyness.
 

I constantly wonder why we fight, why we enjoy the fight, why it is a bitter sweet pain that rushes through our blood like hot sulfur, why the war brings us joy, despair, anger, fulfillment and self-loathing (maybe my description is too much but I have to make sure you catch my drift)
 

If we gave into our desires we will be fulfilled but for how long. Will it be worth it or will we be adding to our list of regrets?
 

When we decide to give into our temptations it says something negative about us. Give into the wave of alcohol and you will do things you would never do, give into your sexual temptations and watch pope Benedict die of heart failure, give into love and watch as it spins you and leaves you weak and vulnerable, give into your lack of love and watch yourself lose a good man that will never be replaced or your heart drown in despair, give into your fears and watch your dreams wither and die.
 

Maybe I am being negative but we do fight all our lives. We fight to grow up, we fight to stay young, we fight to succeed, we fight to live, we fight to die, we fight our dreams, we fight our jobs, we fight our joy and we fight our sorrows. One thing is for sure, we can't stop the war.

LESSON IV

First of all many people do not understand my writings. I do not understand them but i would like to encourage them. 'It is not that you are stupid, don't ever think that.My writings are just for the most intelligent!'There are the few people who already have jobs and they don't have degrees. There are those that have children and do not have degrees.I have attitude,pride and a deeper understanding of life yet i do not have a degree.Since the world is unfair there are people who have degrees and no job,no children(am not sure that is a bad thing but am considering my wider audience). They even lack a deeper understanding of life(wisdom-to the feeble minded). Am not hating on them but i have just lied.So whatever position you are playing in this field called life. Whether it is scorer, mid-fielder or the benched player, the Bible says be content.I say GET AHEAD.Now this may sound like words of encouragement and people may tend to think that there is a man in my life that is why am so positive.You are the people that do not understand my writings so i advice you instead of wasting you cents on net LOG OFF QUICKLY.Fall off and break a leg 

Yours sincerely, 

UR T.A

S.H.I.T. LESSON 3

I would like to apologize to all my students, equals and scholars who are loyal to this very rear piece of education.I feel that I owe you all an apology.Last week i came down with a flu that affected my 'hate oblangata and my no mercy lungs' crippling my ability to hate with out feeling a thing, therefore i was in no condition to teach.I have been informed that there are some people who were disturbed with my SMALL attack on the SMALL male ego of SMALL men and i do owe them a SMALL apology.Women are blessed with the ugly beauty of make-up.Why do some women use more of the ugly to the beautiful.There was once a fellow lecturer, though not in my field of teaching who said 'why do women spend so much time preparing yet they look the same?' Now those women who use make-up to scare away bad days.We all know that make-up is supposed to enhance your beauty not make you look like a back-fired sex change done in Mexico. Women honestly find a friend and confirm that am not addressing YOU.I would like to believe that back in the day, men used to groom themselves after slaving in the shamba so that they are look able by women,any woman,nowadays the men are just sad to look at: those screaming outfits,those disco light coats, those coats you borrowed your fore fathers,those hats that cant co-ordinate with anything in this galaxy,those beach shorts that cause you to be barred from Mombasa plus who said that you should all blow dry your hairs(those hair dressers lied to you that you look good so that you pay.no wonder you do not have nightmare.its there when you wake up in the morning...........ON THAT SUBJECT have you ever seen the brothers who wear 50cent t-shirt......no look at their faces. CONTRAST. anyway we all wish to be someone else in life i just suggest that you wish someone imaginable.

SERIOUSLY HATING 101: CLASS IN SESSION

This is our first class since we opened school. Yesterday was introduction to the course. Today we shall start by tracing back hatting to our forefathers. The first hatting comments were written on stone tablets in the days of homohabilis. Then when fire was discovered in i do not know when our fores started sending hate signals in the form of smoke signals. In this lesson we shall also acknowledge the peolpe who fought for our independence as haterz. Hater Martin Luther King, Hater Mzee Jomo, Hater Martin Laurence, Hater Chris Rock and Hater Bernie Mac..a moment of silence for our fallen brother........hating still lives on.Has anyone of you ever tried internet dating? its S.H.I.T. They hook you up with brother's that are walking history. Am beyond talking about MUMMY the movie this brothers are sick individuals. Then their profile photos are taken from a distance so that by the time you notice the number of wrinkles on their faces then you have already paid for the services. FUCK u internet dating for hookin my young ass with old dudes, bald dudes, kiharra dudes, dudes with saggin pecks, dudes with faces that the camera can't process and just ugly dudes. Am no Paris Hilton but at least am not a walking SCARY MOVIE 6 IN PROGRESS.If your brother is vertically measurable by a ruler then am honestly sorry for what am about to write. My brother is not short atleast i wont get my ass whooped by my mother for being mean to other people's sons.Why do short peolpe really think that they have game? No honestly, they really think that they are 'SMALL' immitations of Shakespear. Give me 5 minutes i compose myself am about to break a rib due to unprescribed laughter....................................(done). Why do short guyz like saying things like 'am SHORT sighted','i was trying to be the BIGGER man', why do you talk to me like am a KID',and my personal favourite 'LOOK ME IN THE EYE when you talk to me'. Aren't they just adorable when they sit on a chair and their feet cant touch the ground and they just dangle in mid-air. Aren't they just annoying when they start shouting for no reason to the top of their SMALL voice box or pick fights with tall dudes so that you do not forget them down there.BIG UP to NONINI for discovering MacDONALDS in America.CLASS OVER. REVIEW YOUR NOTE SO THAT YOU ARE NOT LEFT BEHIND IN THE NEXT SESSION.

WELCOME TO THE SCHOOL OF S.H.I.T.!!!!!!!!

The school of Serious Hating Institution and Technology allows all the hatters out there to perfect there skills in serious BITCHING. I have tried to post a note like forever but the computer here can feel my negative vibe and shuts down immediately after av slaved composing my thoughts. Its okay the comps a hatter and my name's LINDA if you are to sensitive then holla later.After so many years of taking BULLSHIT from people i think its time to retaliate. Big up to all those radio presenters who think that they are all that. I mean if you think that you are classic take you old age ass back to the archives. Releasing stone age insults and referring to yourselves as young tuck my foot.Metro sexual men find a rock and crawl back in. What the hell is wrong with the men of today. They want to be babied. They want a shoulder to cry on.They want to sing along to Whitney Houston's lyrics(in that case why don't you get your ass kicked by Bobby Brown). They want to share in our monthly ritual and have mood swings and throw tantrums. You may think that you are a modern man but if you find yourselves watching soaps and in love with Oprah then you are simply GAY. If you cry more than once in half a year then you need a sex change.Kenyan rappers.OOHH!! am sorry i meant Kenyan wrappers because you and your work belong to the dustbin. We are expected to torture ourselves listening to your crappy music with all our education. Honestly,have you ever listened to all the rejected music in the streets. No wonder we are no where. Now do not be bitter there are some illiterate people who bang their heads to your nonsense but if i were an air head i would to.If you is a hater and i know that we all are i would like to hear what you have to say. That is if you have the balls. I feel better now.WAITE FOR THE NEXT EDITION OF S.H.I.T WHERE YOUR HATING IS MY JOY.

FIRST LANE.

After I had finished all my assignments, updated all my notes and read ahead for my exams I reached for my bags and got on the bus.
It was one week to exams and the school was packed to capacity. People flocked the library and study rooms. There was a constant murmuring in the night as my classmates struggled to prepare for the exams. ‘Hi, Am in your physics class,’ was the smooth line for many ‘gentlemen’ in many classes as they tried to get the ‘good girls’ to help them study?
As I sat in the speeding bus I thought of the many lads in my class that were waiting for me to lend them my notes and help them read. A cynical smile spread my lips and I suddenly had the urge to see the look on their faces when they hear that am no longer in the compound.
The sun had set by the time I put my legs up on the bed in my hotel room. After a quick shower and a touch of makeup I found myself in the lobby as I waited for my date to take me out to dinner.
The wind was chilly and it blew the waves towards my feet. I could still taste the dessert on my tongue as warm hands caressed my arms and held me firm.

THIRST

Love me,

Quench me,

My lips are dry,

My heart's a desert,

My needs are sand dunes,

My mind a sand storm.

Seek me,

Find me,

I hide behind my fear,

All my affections will be here,

Everyday am close to tears,

If you refuse yourself to hear.

Want me,

Need me,

Your attention feeds my heart,

Your touch heals my wounds,

Your words tease my flesh,

Your affections quench my thirst.

SAVIN ME

Am drowning,

The surface of sanity is far from my reach,

My feet are flat at the bottom of my depression,

My motivation to write is my anxiety,

My inspiration, my insanity,

The pain strikes my heart,

I wish i knew how to live,

I do not know the meaning of life,

I walk the earth a dead man,

Simply because am not alive,

I would like to turn to the Lord,

But spiritual salvation is not what i seek,

I desire to be liberated from the nothingness i have become.