Every time I log on to facebook, I look at my notifications then my messages and lastly my friend requests and that is if I decide to look at those requests. It isn't that am trying to pull off an attitude or that I feel that most of them are just suitors :-) or even that am this anti-social bitch, its just that it never draws that much of my interest.
So today I decide to look at them. Top of the list is the name of a girl that I used to be friends with when I was in class four, five and six, not an extra year earlier or later. Shock, excitement, quickly accept that friend request and begin to type out my message to her, nothing fancy just the usual "ooh, my God!!!! it's been too long ghai!! How are you? Maisha? We should catch up sometime." Before I click on the send button some crappy feeling sweeps all over me.
She was my best friend of that time. I should want to catch up with her and I feel like there is a very big part of me that wants to catch up with her but I also feel a depressed realization that our friendship is of another time. I was in high school with a chic I was very close to in class three. We remembered each other, not vaguely but like it was yesterday we were roaming around school looking for mischief but we could not even sustain a good quality conversation. We had grown in separate directions. So am sitting here contemplating sending my class four, five, six best friend this mail to establish connection and try to rekindle something and for some reason I feel like my mind is holding on to my hand. I don't know what to do for a few minutes but then I decide not to.
I don't like the feeling of the realization that time has passed. In your body, you don't feel like time has passed or rather I don't feel it. Occasionally my mind registers that time is moving and years are passing. That my being is evolving, growing, maturing and my thinking is changing but most of the time we only realize time has flown when we come face to face with our past. I didn't feel it when my breasts were growing. I just woke up one morning and realized that i had a full chest. Hihihi, sorry it's just that my ladies aren't that big saying full chest tickles me. Don't get me wrong, I have breasts its just the line "lucky my breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with mountains" by Shakira-Whenever, Wherever comes to mind when I think of them.
I am sure I have said it before, that I don't like change but mostly I don't like realizing that things are changing or that they have changed. I like to think of it as just adapting to new things. I know what you are thinking, "yeah big difference" but believe it or not there is a difference because the way I see it, its like am taking life a day at a time and everything I do is just to gratify the needs of the day.
If she sends me mail wanting to catch up i won't turn it down. I just don't think it will be me doing the reaching out.
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